I won’t take care of my grandchildren – some call me selfish but I don’t care

An Australian grandmother of eight has said she will buck the growing trend of the older generation helping with childcare, but her words have angered many.

Avril Moore, a writer, said that while she loves being a grandmother, she was quick to tell her three grown children that she wouldn’t be available to babysit.

Childcare, in this case, was all day babysitting a few days a week while the child’s parents were at work. In her opinion piece for Age, she said it was often women over the age of 65 who took on the role.

“As parents, a good portion of my and my husband’s lives have been devoted to raising our three children, and neither of us wants to take on that level of responsibility again,” Moore wrote in her opinion piece. for publication.

“Furthermore, I regret the fact that despite said partner’s equal involvement over those years and now as a grandparent, the expectation is that only I, because of my sex, somehow regularly participate in childcare.” .

She said that while spending time with her grandchildren was lovely, the main reason she had “rebelled” against the idea was not gender equality, but that simply taking care of children was too much work.

Moore said she has seen other grandmothers get angry — especially when parents criticize them for not doing things “the right way,” according to them.

The writer isn’t wrong when she claims that more grandparents are helping with childcare, especially amid the cost-of-living crisis.

Two in five grandparents with a grandchild under 13 were providing some form of childcare, and this only increases if the youngest grandchild is under 10, according to the Australian Household Survey 2022.

“More often than not, grandparents provide childcare to support their parents’ work. Grandparents’ desire to connect and build relationships with grandchildren and family was central to them taking on this childcare,” the survey states.

Most childcare is casual compared to regular or school holiday childcare, but with the rising cost of childcare facilities, more are turning to their family for help.

According to the latest data from the Productivity Commission, childcare costs have risen significantly for families living in every state and territory in Australia.

Victorians currently pay the highest day care bill in the country, with the average cost of 50 hours of center care at $626 a week.

The government increased the childcare subsidy for families earning under $530,000 last July, however, according to a report by the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission last year, fees rose at almost twice the rate of wages and inflation between 2018 and 2022 .

Thrive from Five’s Jay Weatherill said many Australian children were unable to attend childcare and preschool because their parents could not afford it.

However, Moore’s opinion sparked a heated debate, with many at odds with the grandmother.

Just as some grandparents refuse to babysit, many of us love this special time. I never hear dissatisfaction only appreciation. Our care of nine grandchildren over 15 years has fostered a very close relationship with all of them,” said one woman in a letter to the editor.

“Amazingly we still manage a satisfying life of work, theater and holidays. Our help is greatly appreciated by our family, just as we were grateful to my parents for allowing my husband and I to pursue careers. It is called family

“Get rid of anger. There are precious moments to spend with your grandchildren. Enjoy the moment. Before you know it, it will be, ‘Hello, have a nice life,'” said Vic Alhadeff of Kirribilli.

The opinion piece attracted hundreds of comments. Some agreed with Moore about being out of a job.

“Expecting grandparents to take care of children more than one day a week is selfish … I love them, don’t get me wrong, but they are not mine to raise,” they said.

“Totally agree…Governments rely on the generosity of mostly women to help provide free childcare. Imagine if men couldn’t work because they couldn’t take care of children? The situation would be rectified in a month,” said another.

“It always amazes me how many young people expect their parents to step into the role of caregiver while they pursue a career and pay huge mortgages. So unfair to grandparents who did it once and are now free to do as they love you, – called a third.