Enitza Templeton seemed to be living the perfect life as an “ordinary woman,” baking bread from scratch as a stay-at-home mom and delivering her children without an epidural.
But – despite her glitzy, familial exterior – the former traditionalist was unhappy with her lifestyle and couldn’t help but think about her daughters.
“I remember watching TV, folding towels, thinking, ‘I wish someone would help me out of this.’ If I had money, if I had means, if I had any means, I would not get married. I hate this. I don’t want my daughters to be in a wedding like this,” the 41-year-old from Denver told People.
“If I want my daughters to do something different, I’m going to have to tell them different,” she added, recalling her commitment to make “changes” in her life until she could leave her husband. , whom he married in 2009.
Now, she’s alarmed by the glorification of the “foreign woman” lifestyle she’s seen on social media, noting the obvious similarities between her past life and that of Hannah Neeleman, of Ballerina Farm fame. who recently made headlines for sharing the details of her traditional life in Utah as a homemaker and mother of eight.
“Trad women” have drawn criticism from skeptics who argue that it “romanticizes” a regressive lifestyle, while others defend the so-called family values and minimalism that traditionalists represent.
“I see women leaving their roots to compete with men,” Virginia-based trader Estee Williams told The Post in 2023. “This is not the way it should be. We are women and we have to embrace that.”
Williams explained the impetus behind her lifestyle.
“The Bible talks about women submitting and serving their husbands and being their husband’s helpmate,” she said. “The Bible talks specifically about gender roles, and I fully support traditional gender roles.”
However, despite the creators’ claims that they are happy with their chosen paths, Templeton insists that she can “hear the sadness”.
“I see their deep, deep, deep desire to validate the lifestyle and be, like, ‘look at me. I’m so perfect and beautiful, and I do all these things amazingly,'” Templeton told the “trad woman” influencer. “It’s super sad. It’s also a bit disingenuous. I know how it is. You are not showing the full picture. There’s a lot of ugliness behind the scenes.”
This pursuit of being a “perfect trophy wife” is nearly impossible, she added.
“She’s beautiful, she has kids, she does it without medication,” Templeton explained. “It’s this fat, stupid pole that’s always moving. You can never achieve it because if you bake the bread, well, did you use fresh yeast? Oh. Well, did you grind the flour? Oh. Well, did you grow the wheat that you ground into the flour? They can keep pushing it.”
The “trading wife” lifestyle, which is usually rooted in religion, is often adopted by couples who don’t have as much money, she added.
When Templeton and her ex-husband married, she was 26 and had graduated from college with a degree in graphic design, the pair struggling to make ends meet with his student loans and a “mishmash” of odd jobs.
The couple decided they wanted to “have as many children” as they could, “just trusting that God would provide” for their growing family, despite financial difficulties.
“We would say — and this is very common in small Christian circles — we’re living on loan and charity now until we make it,” she said.
They shared a bank account – which prevented Templeton from saving for her expenses and spending – but he controlled the money, even her income.
Her days would start around 3 a.m. feeding her youngest, clocking in for a few more hours before making fresh bread and making breakfast for her other children before homeschooling began. At the “peak” of her traditional life, she said, she was straightening her curly hair, putting on makeup and wearing dresses every day — whether she was tired, sick or pregnant.
By her fourth pregnancy, she was finally able to use disposable diapers instead of cloth.
After lunch—when freshly baked bread was enjoyed—Templeton would take her children on a sort of afternoon walk before going grocery shopping.
“I was really just trying to get out of the house,” recalled Templeton, who cooked dinner while the children played.
“That’s it. Just cooking meals, taking care of the kids, and taking care of everyone’s needs. That was all day,” said Templeton, who was not allowed to use fast-acting yeast during baking.
The monotonous, rigid routine became more difficult when her second child was born with Down syndrome and a heart defect that required multiple surgeries. But her young child’s health complications did not stop the couple from having more children.
While her daughter was “drifting between life and death,” Templeton was juggling more pregnancies, homeschooling, nursing and cooking from scratch.
That balancing act, she said, was neither “sustainable” nor “appropriate” and, looking back, she admits she should have stopped growing her family.
“I was having a baby who was having open heart surgery, but I was still pregnant with another. And then pregnant with another and another open heart surgery,” she said. “And then trying to homeschool one of them and trying to keep this one alive on her oxygen and then pregnant with the other one.”
Her decision to leave her perfectly curated life – which she began posting about on social media at the time – came after a wake-up call from other mums.
She took on nursing jobs under the guise of her mental health, getting her “ducks in a row” so she could leave.
“I wasn’t raised to believe that women had the right to think and the right to ask questions,” Templeton explained, referring to her decision to be transparent about her online experiences. “I thought that if a woman did not have children, she would be miserable for the rest of her life. I didn’t realize there were women who were just happy to live and be themselves.”
Eventually, after an argument between herself and her husband, Templeton said she wanted a divorce.
That was five years ago, and now, the single mom has a boyfriend, hosts a podcast called “Evolving Motherhood” and feels “younger” and “more regenerated,” she said.
“When you see a problem and you feel like you have a solution, it’s your responsibility to do something,” she said. “I felt as a mother, it is my duty to pave the way for my daughters. And I have to make as much impact as possible for them.
“I don’t want them to grow up in a world like this.”
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